Let's try this post AGAIN .. I had it all written about a month ago and somehow manage to lose all the silly text.
So .. at the beginning of summer I read a book by Denise Jackson (Alan Jackson's wife) titled It's All About Him. This book really made me realize some of my own wrong doings in past relationships and how to improve on some areas of my relationship with my Husband so as to not let history repeat itself. It was really a great book and really inspiring. However, it wasn't until earlier this month that words from Denise's book came back to me as I started feeling some familiar feelings that boiled down to insecurities in myself and my current role as now full time "house wife".
My husband is one of the most easy going men I have ever met in my entire life. He is full of love, generosity, mercy and grace but as strange as it sounds sometimes having a husband that is SO easy going is hard to "please". He is happy if I have the laundry done and equally happy if I did no laundry whatsoever. He likes having dinner ready when he gets home but has zero expectation of it being there because he can never promise when he will be home, etc. So during the crazy six weeks of summer that my step-son was here I took little time to notice how it was bugging me to have zero expectations from my husband. But now that it's calm down a bit and back down to our little family of four the lack of expectations was/is really haunting me.
I know it sounds silly but I have worked a full time job since I was 17 years old and well at a job you have certain items you must get done and done well to keep the job and I guess I am just truly in a rut about having someone else set my expectations and demands. I find I want Brian to be more like a boss than a partner sometimes and that is a weird feeling for both of us. This week I could feel tension and stress boiling up inside of me from all my insecurities and luckily I stopped and went to the Lord in prayer asking him to help me and its amazing how I am always so amazed on the wonders God works in a persons heart and mind overnight.
It was at this mo
ment I started the book, Power of a Praying Wife and it changed my outlook on
things pretty much immediately. It has helped me get a glimpse of the world through a man's point of view and help to narrow down maybe how and where my husband could use my prayer support more than a three course meal for breakfast each day. It helped set some of the guidelines/expectations I have been longing for yet I set these guidelines for my role as a wife as GOD sees and expects them, not Brian or I. I have turned to God for pretty much every delima in my heart and mind the last four weeks and he has been really clear as to the things that are worth being upset over and the ones that aren't. The prayers in this book has allowed me to talk to God about my husband in a way I have neve done before. Its a quick read and one I highly suggest to all of the wives out there.
Nights like tonight, I still wrestle with some of my typical feelings but somehow praying for my husband and marriage in the way this book teaches helps lighten my mood. One of the BEST parts of this book was the part where I learned to open all of my prayers by asking God to open my heart to the what HE wants me to feel, open my ears to what HE wants me to hear and open my heart to what HE wants me to feel.
I beleive its that first part of the prayer that has done the trick the last few weeks and I just wanted to share all of that with you. My life isn't perfect but the love God has for me is and He has never let me down when I truly lean on him with an open mind and heart. I think I could go on and on about these books and this subject but its already a really long post and the first half was written a month ago and the second half tonight so who knows how much sense it really is making. lol
xoxo
